vineri, 26 martie 2010

A funny story for week-end..Part V

When the wicked stepmother got home, she ripped off her disguise and picked up her magic mobile, and keyed in:
"Mobile, mobile, in my hand
who's the hottest babe in all the land?"
And the mobile answered as before:
"You're the hottest babe here, Oh Mistress, but—"
"—But what?" interrupted the starlet.
"You're not going to get mad again and throw me against the wall like last time, are you?"
"Just get on with it!"
"Because if you are I could lie. I am programmed to lie, if you want me to.."
"Look! Will you just answer the fucking question!"
"Er..Snow White, who's hanging out with seven randy midgets far away is a thousand times hotter than you, you washed-up old junkie fag-hag."
"WHAT?!! What did you say? Are you telling me that bitch is still alive?"
"Nope, I lied."
"OK, OK, keep your implants in. Snow White's the hottest babe in all the land. I wish it wasn't true. Really I do, but there's no getting away from the fact she makes you look like an ageing slapper who's been cobbled together from silicone implants left over from bad boob jobs."
"LOOK!" Shrieked the old Tart. "We are SO NOT having this conversation again. Got it?"
"If you say so. But that doesn't alter the fact that Snow White is still alive and a thousand times hotter than you, you washed-up old junkie fag-hag."
"I'll kill the fucking bitch!" the Tart yelled, and flung the mobile across the room.
"Bugger," said the mobile as it bounced off the wall. "I knew she'd do that."
The news gave the wicked old stepmother such a jolt that her knicker elastic snapped, the blood rushed to her tits and one of the implants burst. "Fuck it," she said. "I'm gonna think up something so fucking final you will wish you'd died being gang-banged by an entire colony of syphilitic old lepers with twelve inch cocks." With the help of some magic spells she'd picked up from watching re-runs of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she made a poisoned hairbrush. This time she cleverly disguised herself as slightly younger looking sex toy demonstrator. Once again she made her way through the forest to the house of the seven dwarves, knocked at the door and cried out: "Pretty things for sale! Pretty vibrating hairbrush for sale!"
"Go away!" said Snow White. "I'm not allowed to let anyone in."
"You can look, can't you?" said the evil Tart, taking out the poisoned brush and holding it up.
"Look, it vibrates. It'll give you a lovely head massage."
"Did you say pwetty VIBWATING hairbwush?" asked Snow White excitedly.
"Yes, a nice soft brush to make you tingle all over!" cackled the young crone.
"Wow!" gushed Snow White, and completely forgetting her promise to the dwarves, rushed to unlock the door and let the woman in. When they had agreed on the price, a very reasonable £1.99 including four spare Energizer batteries, the evil Tart said: "Your lovely black hair looks such a fright, girl. Let me give it a proper brushing." Suspecting nothing, poor Snow White stood still for the old woman, but no sooner had the—Now hang on a minute, surely she can't be that gullible? Have you met many really stunning girls whose mothers are 'B-list' celebs? I thought not. And anyway, what would you do if you were a dim-witted little slut and a nice, kind lady offered you a hairbrush—a vibrating hairbrush, mind you, for under two quid? I thought so. So where were we? Oh, yes... Suspecting nothing, poor Snow White stood still for the evil Tart, but no sooner had the vibrating hairbrush touched her scalp, than the poison took effect and she fell down dead.
"Well, well," chuckled her stepmother, "Not so hot now, are we, my pretty?" With that she slapped Snow White around a bit (just for fun) and beat a hasty retreat.
But luckily it wasn't long until nightfall. When the seven dwarves came home and found Snow White lying on the floor, they immediately suspected the stepmother. They examined her carefully, or rather, Ralph and Roger examined her carefully while the other five dwarves undressed her and took it in turns to revive her by giving her oral sex. When that failed they tried to get her to give them oral sex. (Well, it was worth a try). It was Dick who eventually found the hairbrush and was forced, rather shamefacedly, to explain to a rather groggy Snow White why her pussy was so sore.
"We tried to suck the poison out.." he muttered lamely.
"Well you must've twied awfully hard because I'm dwipping wet," said Snow White.
She wasn't altogether convinced by their explanation, particularly as her jaw made funny clicking noises whenever she opened her mouth really wide. But she was so grateful to be alive she rewarded each of them with extra special blow jobs, (which were gratefully received) and cooked the dinner all on her own (which was not). Again they warned her to be on her guard and not to open the door to anyone, no matter how tempting the offer. Of course, we know that she will, don't we? Dozy cow!


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