vineri, 4 septembrie 2009

Shoot me or f***my life

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. F***my life..

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. F****my life

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'.F****my life

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am.F****my life

Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard.F****my life

Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!"F****my life

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also.F****my life

Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up."F****my life

Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard.F****my life

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was texting pictures from my old phone to my new one, including several dirty ones, when I noticed I wasn't receiving any of them on the new phone. I was texting the wrong number.F****my life

Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife.F****my life

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes.F****my life

Today, I ended up gashing my leg rather badly on the corner of a chair, fell to the ground with a very loud thud, and yelled "OH F*CK ME!!". I hobbled to the bathroom making more noise in the process. My neighbor came by and asked if I could "keep my sex noise to a minimum".F****my life

Today, I was at a friend's party. All of the sudden my friend goes "Ok girls, get a guy to dance with." Then everyone scrambles to find someone. There was just enough guy-girl pairs. This hot girl and I were the only two left. She looked at me and went "UMM.... I have to use the bathroom."F****my life

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding."F****my life

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection.F****my life

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it.F****my life

Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life.F****my life

Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. C*ck blocked by another p*ssy.F****my life

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song.F****my life

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video.F****my life

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before.F****my life

Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay.F****my life

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've been seeing. Apparently he doesn't believe in condoms and took it off without my knowing; I didn't realize until after. When I asked him in horror why he would do such a thing, he said "I love you. I want you to have my child." It had been our second date.F****my life


rad on 4 septembrie 2009, 20:23 spunea...

we have to be patient for what happening in our life. we have to make our self calm first. if we lost something, we still have many things. It has never been easy to be patient but patient makes life beautiful - my 2 cents opinion

dyeve on 4 septembrie 2009, 20:31 spunea...


yes, you have right..but the teenager never have..smiles..and in fact I am not talking about me in this post :)) if you think that..
Yo're opinion always count and is not alike 2 cents..smiles..
Thx for visit and yo're comment..

Samuel Goh Kim Eng on 4 septembrie 2009, 20:59 spunea...


Thanks for your kind comment
Pray for human bonds to cement
With goodness all around to share
When kindness is present we bravely dare

(C) Samuel Goh Kim Eng - 050909
Sat. 5th Sept. 2009.

image_of_purity on 4 septembrie 2009, 21:59 spunea...

omg........i would never ever want this kind of thing happen to me,just caught in action...hahahah...

Inge' on 5 septembrie 2009, 09:46 spunea...

I had to laugh at some of these. I am glad I have never been in any of those situations!

dyeve on 5 septembrie 2009, 10:57 spunea...

@image_of_purity too..
thx for visit.

dyeve on 5 septembrie 2009, 10:58 spunea...

@Samuel Goh Kim Eng

wow..smiles..thank you for yo're nice words..
you make a ll poem here

with much pleasure anytime..
Have a nice saturday and a relaxed week-end!

dyeve on 5 septembrie 2009, 11:00 spunea...


Thank you for visit and comment..
I am glad too..that I never been in such positions..but, its good to sharing..and have fun sometimes..
Have a relaxed day!

Anonim spunea...

Where have i been anyway? I'm unable to fit myself in any of those situation. Guess i can't say f*** my life then huh?

Interesting stories Dyeve and i know that you too are not in any of those stories. So you too can't say f*** your life too huh?

Keep the stories coming ya!

dyeve on 6 septembrie 2009, 14:59 spunea...


smiles..thx for yo're good opinion about me..:))..yes,Im not in any kind of this situations..but, never is too late..:)) any situations..of course sometimes I want to say..F*ML!..but..smiles.

"BUTTERY"fly on 6 septembrie 2009, 16:25 spunea...

Bad things happen everyday, if one wants to look at it that way...
It's just a matter of how we perceive things and how do we deal with it...
Perhaps we may want to look at the glass "half full" rather than "Half-empty."
BTW, Dyeve I know you weren't talking about yourself here (lol)
Nice post!


dyeve on 6 septembrie 2009, 19:17 spunea...

@ BUTTER"fly"
No, its not..but who knows what happening some day..:))))
nope..of course..but it was amazing..I like it..
but they are still happens..sometimes..:)
was funny..saturday..anyway..smiles

Vicky Laurentina on 8 septembrie 2009, 13:03 spunea...

LOL! All situations above is really funny! =))

Yesterday my dad wanted me to massage his back. My boyfriend texted my HP and I couldn't wait longer to reply him. We texted instant messages each other, and my dad told me not to stop massaging him. He asked me whom I was texting to and insisted me to tell him all what my boyfriend talked about, coz I couldn't stop laughing while reading my boyfriend's text. It's like cyber-hooking up and my dad keeps watching me. F****my life. :-)


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