duminică, 3 octombrie 2010

It's time to get shagadelic, baby!


Have you ever felt so sad that you had to force yourself to put on a smile when interacting with others? Or felt so angry with someone in authority that you had to inhibit the urge to tell him what you really thought of him? Or felt so amused by an inappropriate comment that you had to bite your lip to keep from laughing out loud? If your answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then you know first hand about emotion regulation, which refers to the things we do to influence which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express them .. 

A few months ago, in the office that I work with three colleagues "our boss" came and asked us simply just like that: "Gals, do you ever wish you were a man?" 

Two colleagues have answered no, me and another one answered "yes " and those answers triggered the missunderstanding of him that he couldn't understand why we aren't just delighted with the fact that we're desired and admired as women... 

He said: "Don't your hearts pump quickly when men leak their eyes after you? Don't you enjoy when they look after your ass, your legs, your „boobs”?" 

Well, obviously I've never been able to restrain myself to give replies as they come and would remain unspoken in the throat, so I answered: "My gosh! Are you serious? This time your instincts are totally wrong, WRONG, boss. You know, there were so many stunning man out there, so we look after them also even if not in an equally obvious but, I haven't seen any woman who is leaking her eyes after me..(even if it happened few time, is true, but that's another story). I’ve already said above that we do it but discreetly and, in addition, it doesn’t happen with all men, really. It is normal for people, men and women, to notice and appreciate a nice appearance, body, smile, anything that "catches" their eyes. Women look at women too, even if they don't feel sexual about it. But, no! Women NEVER did and NEVER will look at a man the same way a man looks at a woman. 

I think he bit his lips while coming out of the office for not being forced to find something else to say...But then, he turned back and says to me: „Let me ask you something else, Dy! Why women love men?”

„Why, why? Because ...” And just crossed my mind to take from Freud’s theories that in his twisted mind women are men without a phallus. You can just illustrate the ridiculousness of this concept ..This, in turn, turned me onto further research into his head, a boss mind man and maybe finally understand man mysteries... 

„Ok. Listen to me! All I can say is just my opinion, and for me - a man truly secures in his own masculinity don't feel the need to display ostentatiously posing in "macho". A real man knows that his virility isn't denied by an "soft" behavior. I consider that a man is a real man when he isn't embarrassed to be sensitive and delicate, and to recognize his own vulnerabilities, when IS and IF’s necessary. A man is allowed to cry and this doesn’t make him to be less of a man. That honesty proved I think it can be seen as a real human values of the individual, and can represent his quality certificate as a man.

If the man next to me is not allowed to have weaknesses, that means I’m bound to find me onto an exhaustive list of weaknesses woman with a constant need for care, and then it's easier for a male to be a man with a weak woman than with a strong one. Her very weakness, whatever her other negative attributes, invites his natural hardness without threat. But,what sense would have us wasting time and energy trying to posing in what we don’t even want to be? 

On the other hand, a strong woman, like any other competition, is a threat to his sense of himself. A female can more easily be a woman with a strong man than with a weak one. Then men can take delight in women's strength, while women enjoy man's weaknesses – but all this on the path toward love...which is other subject, more deeper issue. 

So, we love men because they show us the stars and the moon, even if they don't really see them. Because, in all their hardness, have their moments of tenderness, melancholy. Because they have a superiority complex towards women, and we like to feel dominated, seduced. Because they seem very committed, and after they can reconsider. Because they are waiting for us more interested as more than we let them to wait. Becouse they make a lot of sex, but can make love too. Becouse they are unpredictable, like us. Or are so predictable, that make us laugh. Becouse of their pleasent smile, wicked and evelish on the street, believing that after a charming smile and few compliments they pass into our bed. Because we leave a smile on their face, and their heart beat in more than one place. Because all men are like this. Because Bono is an awesome dude. Because I can love a man for anything less for what is not and wants to look. Because I love a man as he is, but I really want to turn it into the perfect man. Because I don't need reasons to love a man."

And while he watched me I said: Becouse they have a crazy fun to watch us when we lean over the photocopier in the office or the bottom office closet where everything seems to be intentionaly put there, Boss. I really don't know why we love men?" - smiles.

My question is now: What's the fuss of looking for differences between men and women? Wouldn't one be wiser to look for similarities and try to overlook any differences which might exit?” 

He smiled , and said: "No comment!"

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