sâmbătă, 8 august 2009

Funny week-end..why not?..




In the spirit of giving..give you some Obama Jokes a flurry of Q&A shorties sure to leave you asking for more. Everyone will be laughing… except for Barack Obama  because that would be racist.


Q. What do Obama and Osama have in common?
A. They both have friends who bombed the Pentagon

Q. Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A. He thought Barry sounded too American.
Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real  birth certificate?
A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.
Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Barack Obama.
Q. Why will Jay Leno vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because he’s  running out of George Bush jokes.
Q. Why will Britney Spears vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because she’s running out of other crazy things to do

Q. Why wouldn’t Barack salute the American Flag?
A. It was ours.
Q. Why will Jimmy Carter vote for Barack Obama?
A. Because Carter doesn’t want to be the worst President in history.
Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.

What'd You Think?


What’s the difference
Q: What’s the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A: About 45 pounds
    Q:What’s the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? A: About 45 minutes  

Blondes Q&A
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: What is a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme! Q: What did the blonde’s right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They’ve never met.
Q: What do you get when you cross a white bear with a black bear? A: Two happy bears. “Do you know what will happen if you present false evidence in court?” “Sure - I’ll be driving a new car.”
Q: Can a wife make her husband a millionaire? A: Yes, if he’s already a billionaire.
Q: What is the best contraceptive pill? A: Sleepalone
Q: Who has more sense: men or women? A: Women, of course. Have you ever seen a woman marry someone just because he had nice legs?
Q: What do rocks and women have in common? A: You skip the flat ones!
Q: How do you confuse an leprechaun? A: Put him in a circle and tell him to wee in the corner.
Q: What is the clumsiest insect? A: The Bumbling Bee.
Q: What did the Bee say when he returned to the hive? A: “Honey, I’m Home!”
Q: What is a bee’s favorite band? A: The Bee Gees.
Q: What was their #1 song? A: “Stay in the Hive.”  

Woman’s Third Wish
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes: Whatever you wish for, your husband will also get ten times more or better!” The woman said, “That would be okay,” and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis that women will flock to.” The woman replied,”That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me.” So, KAZAM - she’s the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you.” The woman said, “That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine.” So, KAZAM - she’s the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.” The moral of the story: Women are clever bitches.  

More rope
There was a virgin who wanted to marry a farmer boy. One day, she went to his parent’s house for dinner. When they got done eating dinner, they decided to go for a walk through the pasture. While they were walking, they came upon 2 horses that were mating. She looks at them with wonder because she has never seen anything like this before. She asks the boy, “What are they doing?” He says, “They’re making love.” “Well, what’s that long thing he’s sticking in there?” she asked. “Oh, uh, that’s his rope,” he answered. “Well, what are those two round things on the other end?” she asked. He says, “Those are his knots.” She says, “Oh, OK, I got it.” As they continue their stroll, they come to a barn and go in. She looks at him and says, “I want you to make love to me the way those animals were.” Surprised and excited, the boy agrees. While they are getting at it all hot and heavy, she grabs his balls and squeezes. “Whoa, what are you doing?” he shouts. The girl innocently replies, “I’m untying the knots so I’ll get more rope!”  

Acceptable excuse
A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there could be only two acceptable excuses for being late. A medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family. A smart-ass student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. “But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?” As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look. “Well,” he responded, “I guess you’ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.”
 

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